Ever have a day that does not go as you had hoped it would? A day where you found yourself snapping at someone who just happened to be in your "emotional" way at the time, and had nothing to do with your mood, but got the brunt of it anyway? Well, that was my day today.
After stepping back from the situation and being frustrated with myself for my uncalled outburst, I realized that an apology was in order. Not any old type of apology, but a "face-to-face" (or in this case "voice-to-voice" over the phone) explanation. So with great humbleness, I reached out to the offended party and asked for some time with her. She was gracious enough to provide me an audience and I proceeded to apologize (not grovel) and explain that she had in no way been the target of my frustration today. As I spoke to this person, I felt a huge cloud lift off of me and heard the other party say that she had been in a very bad mood as well and our timing could not have been worse, or in our case more perfect. Perfect for creating a situation that would cause us both to exercise great humility in letting our guards down and just being human with each other. It was quite refreshing; after we got past the embarrassment of our prior interaction.
Humility can provide so much in the way of insight. It allows us to remain in touch with who we really are and helps us to remind others that we are flawed, and it is okay. Practicing humility is very grounding. It causes us to act from our core; our core beliefs and values. People who know me well, would not have recognized my not-so-calm actions today as "normal" for me. I truly felt blessed to be able to reconnect with my true self and reach out, with humbleness, to rectify the situation. Truly amazing what we can accomplish when we stay grounded and connected to others.
May all your relationships and interactions be approached with respect and humility.
Namaste',
Michelle H.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Power in Words
Often times we are content to rely on commonly used terms when describing certain actions or feelings in our lives. I have always thought that all words contain a type of power; a power to set certain things in motion. These things could be emotional reactions, physical choices or deep pensive moments. The nuances contained in word choices can make all the difference in how we travel through our lives.
One particular piece of advice that I find most troubling for many situations is the use of the word "accept". We are told that to move on from a not-so-nice, or toxic, situation we should "accept" the situation as it is, and determine how to react in the most positive way. The intention is to help a person push beyond the pain, or annoyance, of the situation and to be able continue on in a sort of amicable way. I think that a more appropriate term to use in this case is "acknowledge". By accepting something as it is, you give it power. You are sending a message that the behavior is "acceptable"; that it is okay for someone to be treating you like they are. Instead, if you acknowledge the behavior, you are not sending a message that you condone it, but rather that you recognize it for what it is. Only then have you claimed the power over the situation and can determine what your reactions should be to it. I realize this is a subtle difference, but a very powerful one that has helped me over the years to not get stymied by a bad relationship, or put myself in a situation of reacting in a way that was not in my best emotional interest. This conscious choice of using "acknowledge" versus "accept" has given me the power to be in control of my feelings and actions.
The other benefit of making this choice is that minimal energy is wasted trying to fully understand, or change, another person. It helps to maintain the focus on your own actions. It is, of course, very important to think of others when reacting to situations. I am not suggesting that reactions should be determined without thought for others. I am simply stating that to change a situation for the better, it is important to "acknowledge" and not necessarily "accept"; thereby changing the power dynamic of the situation.
I encourage you to take a look at how different words make you feel as you go about your day. It may not be this particular word choice scenario that resonates with you. It might be something like peace versus harmony, or angst versus stress. Words are very powerful and a wonderful tool for reshaping your perspective at a given moment. Try on some new words and enjoy!
Namaste',
Michelle H.
One particular piece of advice that I find most troubling for many situations is the use of the word "accept". We are told that to move on from a not-so-nice, or toxic, situation we should "accept" the situation as it is, and determine how to react in the most positive way. The intention is to help a person push beyond the pain, or annoyance, of the situation and to be able continue on in a sort of amicable way. I think that a more appropriate term to use in this case is "acknowledge". By accepting something as it is, you give it power. You are sending a message that the behavior is "acceptable"; that it is okay for someone to be treating you like they are. Instead, if you acknowledge the behavior, you are not sending a message that you condone it, but rather that you recognize it for what it is. Only then have you claimed the power over the situation and can determine what your reactions should be to it. I realize this is a subtle difference, but a very powerful one that has helped me over the years to not get stymied by a bad relationship, or put myself in a situation of reacting in a way that was not in my best emotional interest. This conscious choice of using "acknowledge" versus "accept" has given me the power to be in control of my feelings and actions.
The other benefit of making this choice is that minimal energy is wasted trying to fully understand, or change, another person. It helps to maintain the focus on your own actions. It is, of course, very important to think of others when reacting to situations. I am not suggesting that reactions should be determined without thought for others. I am simply stating that to change a situation for the better, it is important to "acknowledge" and not necessarily "accept"; thereby changing the power dynamic of the situation.
I encourage you to take a look at how different words make you feel as you go about your day. It may not be this particular word choice scenario that resonates with you. It might be something like peace versus harmony, or angst versus stress. Words are very powerful and a wonderful tool for reshaping your perspective at a given moment. Try on some new words and enjoy!
Namaste',
Michelle H.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Take Time to Refresh
This is often the most ignored advice anyone ever receives; including myself. Yet we all know it to be true that if we take some time to relax and recharge ourselves, then our ability to live fully is much easier. How can it be possible to be alert enough to notice the little things and to accomplish the larger things when we are on the verge of illness, or fighting back sleepiness during the day.
I recently read an article about the value of personal retreats. It made me wonder who the folks are that are able to "check out" of their lives for a year at a time, or even longer. The authors described retreats that they had participated in, some lasting as long as six years! After these retreats they said that they felt refreshed, open and ready for re-entry into their lives.
The more I thought about these retreats, the more I started thinking that the participants had not really "checked out" of their lives, but rather had simply taken some time to experience their lives. This was done by focusing solely on the moments occurring during the simple days of their retreat. Now, if you are like me, you cannot afford to stop everything that you have going on in your life in order to take this much needed time for yourself. However, I am fairly certain that we all could find an hour or two in our busy lives for a moment of recharging. Our personal retreat could be getting a massage, taking a drive, or simply sitting quietly on a park bench.
The word "retreat" implies that we are backing off from something. I actually think that a better word to use is "refresh". Refresh describes a period of creation, renewal and viability.
What better way to truly be alive now, than to take time out to focus on the present. Beauty abounds in every moment and stopping for a brief time will recharge your energy in order to return to the more hectic events of life. If you can afford to take the time for a longer refreshment period, I would certainly advocate that as well. A longer time spent focusing on the present moment will only deepen your connection to your life. So sit back, breathe and think about the last time you actually stopped for refreshment. Now plan for your next refreshment break. It is good for your immune system, your relationships and your soul.
Be creative, enjoy and remember, no time is too short for renewal.
Namaste',
Michelle H.
I recently read an article about the value of personal retreats. It made me wonder who the folks are that are able to "check out" of their lives for a year at a time, or even longer. The authors described retreats that they had participated in, some lasting as long as six years! After these retreats they said that they felt refreshed, open and ready for re-entry into their lives.
The more I thought about these retreats, the more I started thinking that the participants had not really "checked out" of their lives, but rather had simply taken some time to experience their lives. This was done by focusing solely on the moments occurring during the simple days of their retreat. Now, if you are like me, you cannot afford to stop everything that you have going on in your life in order to take this much needed time for yourself. However, I am fairly certain that we all could find an hour or two in our busy lives for a moment of recharging. Our personal retreat could be getting a massage, taking a drive, or simply sitting quietly on a park bench.
The word "retreat" implies that we are backing off from something. I actually think that a better word to use is "refresh". Refresh describes a period of creation, renewal and viability.
What better way to truly be alive now, than to take time out to focus on the present. Beauty abounds in every moment and stopping for a brief time will recharge your energy in order to return to the more hectic events of life. If you can afford to take the time for a longer refreshment period, I would certainly advocate that as well. A longer time spent focusing on the present moment will only deepen your connection to your life. So sit back, breathe and think about the last time you actually stopped for refreshment. Now plan for your next refreshment break. It is good for your immune system, your relationships and your soul.
Be creative, enjoy and remember, no time is too short for renewal.
Namaste',
Michelle H.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Now presenting....
Do you ever sit back and think that "someday I will ...."? "That if the signs just showed up I would...."? If you are anything like me, then you certainly have. Well, I am here to tell you that the signs are all around us, all of the time. The issue is that we don't slow down enough to see them for what they are. The universe (or whatever guiding light that you choose to follow) presents invitations and signs to us all the time. Sometimes they might seem like burdens; such as the child with a concussion who has been home for 6 weeks from school already. Or sometimes they might seem like trivial breaks in a dreary day; such as getting a cupcake from the Cupcake Truck. If we were truly receptive to the signs that were being presented to us, we would see the home bound child as an opportunity to spend time with a small loved one who will grow up too quickly and then be unavailable for long conversations with a parent. We would see the man selling cupcakes for a living as a sign that you truly can have a job that you love and not have to toil somewhere just to make a dollar.
It is so important to be alert to these universal invitations, as they will light the path to a life that you have been waiting for. Sometimes we spend so much time planning and scheming how we are going to get there, that we miss the road all together. Have you ever driven somewhere new and missed your Exit completely because you were either heads down in the map, or waiting for the update from your GPS, only to find out that the Exit is under a bridge and the GPS doesn't work there? All the while, there was probably a highway sign that showed you the Exit anyway? Well, life is just like that. Keep your eyes open. Be receptive and open to the possibilities that there may be alternate ways to get where you think you want to go.
Enjoy the journey. Watch for the signs, as they are invitations to life experiences that you will not want to miss.
Namaste',
Michelle
It is so important to be alert to these universal invitations, as they will light the path to a life that you have been waiting for. Sometimes we spend so much time planning and scheming how we are going to get there, that we miss the road all together. Have you ever driven somewhere new and missed your Exit completely because you were either heads down in the map, or waiting for the update from your GPS, only to find out that the Exit is under a bridge and the GPS doesn't work there? All the while, there was probably a highway sign that showed you the Exit anyway? Well, life is just like that. Keep your eyes open. Be receptive and open to the possibilities that there may be alternate ways to get where you think you want to go.
Enjoy the journey. Watch for the signs, as they are invitations to life experiences that you will not want to miss.
Namaste',
Michelle
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Simple Blessings Abound...
It has been quite some time since I have been on my blog. Life has a funny way of jumping in the way every time I think I will have a chance to write. I figured I would take a few minutes and reconnect with those who care to read the blog and look forward to more active participation this year.
Life has been so busy that I almost had forgotten about the simple blessings that I have. The fact that I find time to have a cup of tea with my husband almost every morning on the front porch before the neighborhood awakens from its slumber is truly one of my favorite blessings. It is during that time that I can think (or not) about the randomness of thoughts that run through my head at that hour. Attempting to answer questions such as, Do all birds speak the same basic language, just in different dialects? Why is it that just as I have reached my boiling point with my daughters that they start acting lovely again? How do my perennial flowers know when to reappear in the Spring? Where did I really come from? Where does my brain store all these questions when I am not paying attention to them?
It really is amazing to me that this simple blessing, this simple act of having tea, can bring me so much happiness and energy each day. For that I am grateful and hope that you all can count at least one simple blessing that exists for you each day.
Namaste',
Michelle
Life has been so busy that I almost had forgotten about the simple blessings that I have. The fact that I find time to have a cup of tea with my husband almost every morning on the front porch before the neighborhood awakens from its slumber is truly one of my favorite blessings. It is during that time that I can think (or not) about the randomness of thoughts that run through my head at that hour. Attempting to answer questions such as, Do all birds speak the same basic language, just in different dialects? Why is it that just as I have reached my boiling point with my daughters that they start acting lovely again? How do my perennial flowers know when to reappear in the Spring? Where did I really come from? Where does my brain store all these questions when I am not paying attention to them?
It really is amazing to me that this simple blessing, this simple act of having tea, can bring me so much happiness and energy each day. For that I am grateful and hope that you all can count at least one simple blessing that exists for you each day.
Namaste',
Michelle
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Snow Magnolias
I am sitting here thinking about the passing of the two days of vacation that I just took from my job and realizing that a lot of life can be packed into two days. As always, I had great plans for these two days...and of course, did not accomplish much of anything on the list. Yet it was the best short vacation I have ever taken. Why, you might ask? Well, after thinking about it, I realize that when I let life just "happen", it does just that. All the things that really needed to get done, got done, and I was able to play games with my children, redecorate rooms with them and even read a little bit of a book.
It is such a wonderful feeling to just exist. No planning, just being. On the first day of my mini-vacation we got a foot of beautiful snow. While almost everyone was grumbling about a mid-February storm, I was noticing the snow magnolias. Snow magnolias are those wonderful little snow balls that sit on the tips of the branches of the dormant magnolia trees; the elusive little snowballs that only show up during a certain kind of snowstorm. They arrive with the heavy sticky snow and then only stay around for a brief time, as the sun quickly turns these snowbuds into puddles in the snowbanks below. I just happened to be driving around town at the precise time that the snow magnolias were in full bloom. They were beautiful! There is no way one can be lost in worry, or in their personal task lists, when these snow magnolias appear. Once you catch a glimpse of them, you just slow down. Even if only for a minute.
Of course the only way to see a snow magnolia is to be aware; really aware of what is happening around you. Imagine all the things in life you would notice if you were ever-present. Not all the things you notice might interest you, but you will experience them nonetheless. These micro-experiences are what help us engage with others we encounter. They provide fodder for conversation just when you think there is nothing to connect us. They also help us to put our larger issues into perspective, reminding us that life really is beautiful and that sometimes we are just clouded over with doubt and unable to see.
My wish for the world is that everyone gets the opportunity to see their own snow magnolias. Enjoy and just be.
Namaste',
Michelle
It is such a wonderful feeling to just exist. No planning, just being. On the first day of my mini-vacation we got a foot of beautiful snow. While almost everyone was grumbling about a mid-February storm, I was noticing the snow magnolias. Snow magnolias are those wonderful little snow balls that sit on the tips of the branches of the dormant magnolia trees; the elusive little snowballs that only show up during a certain kind of snowstorm. They arrive with the heavy sticky snow and then only stay around for a brief time, as the sun quickly turns these snowbuds into puddles in the snowbanks below. I just happened to be driving around town at the precise time that the snow magnolias were in full bloom. They were beautiful! There is no way one can be lost in worry, or in their personal task lists, when these snow magnolias appear. Once you catch a glimpse of them, you just slow down. Even if only for a minute.
Of course the only way to see a snow magnolia is to be aware; really aware of what is happening around you. Imagine all the things in life you would notice if you were ever-present. Not all the things you notice might interest you, but you will experience them nonetheless. These micro-experiences are what help us engage with others we encounter. They provide fodder for conversation just when you think there is nothing to connect us. They also help us to put our larger issues into perspective, reminding us that life really is beautiful and that sometimes we are just clouded over with doubt and unable to see.
My wish for the world is that everyone gets the opportunity to see their own snow magnolias. Enjoy and just be.
Namaste',
Michelle
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Appreciation, or not.
Today I had the pleasure of telling my 6 year old daughter to stop picking up the cat at least seven times. The final time, while watching the cat puff up, growl and hiss at her, I suggested very firmly that she needed to put the cat down NOW. After letting the cat leap from her arms, my daughter turned to me, hands on hips and said, "That cat just doesn't appreciate me!"
It was such an honest statement that I had to laugh, as I never considered that the child was trying to do something nice for the cat (maybe putting her on a comfy pillow for a nap...), but rather thought that she was just pestering her. It made me realize that we all really want to be appreciated for the things we do, for the people we are. We want to know that our efforts are not fruitless.
This need for appreciation makes me wonder if it truly is possible to be selfless. There are a multitude of teachings about the need for selfless compassion in the world. This is one of those things that is often times easier to read about than to enact. I believe that we are all capable of being compassionate, if we choose to be. I also believe that as we continue to live as compassionately as possible, at some point the idea that we are not appreciated enough creeps into our thinking. It makes some people bitter, makes them hold grudges and worse yet, makes them lose the desire to do anything nice for someone else without an unspoken expectation of getting something in return. This does nothing more than turn the perpetual wheel of disappointment.
Now I am not suggesting that you never get anything in return for doing something kind for someone/something else. You certainly get the self-satisfaction of knowing that you have made a difference in the world; even in a very small way sometimes. I think that self-satisfaction serves the purpose of re-energizing you to do more compassionate work. That should be its sole purpose. It should not be used to build up ego, or to hold over someones head as a way of saying "you owe me".
That said, I will still attempt to live my life as a Bodhisattva; one who serves others with compassion, in order to help them attain peace. It is a difficult challenge, as I also fall into the trap of feeling under-appreciated in certain circumstances. Although...I have an infinite number of lifetimes to get it right. So here's to getting it right in this lifetime (or in the next one...)!
Namaste',
Michelle
It was such an honest statement that I had to laugh, as I never considered that the child was trying to do something nice for the cat (maybe putting her on a comfy pillow for a nap...), but rather thought that she was just pestering her. It made me realize that we all really want to be appreciated for the things we do, for the people we are. We want to know that our efforts are not fruitless.
This need for appreciation makes me wonder if it truly is possible to be selfless. There are a multitude of teachings about the need for selfless compassion in the world. This is one of those things that is often times easier to read about than to enact. I believe that we are all capable of being compassionate, if we choose to be. I also believe that as we continue to live as compassionately as possible, at some point the idea that we are not appreciated enough creeps into our thinking. It makes some people bitter, makes them hold grudges and worse yet, makes them lose the desire to do anything nice for someone else without an unspoken expectation of getting something in return. This does nothing more than turn the perpetual wheel of disappointment.
Now I am not suggesting that you never get anything in return for doing something kind for someone/something else. You certainly get the self-satisfaction of knowing that you have made a difference in the world; even in a very small way sometimes. I think that self-satisfaction serves the purpose of re-energizing you to do more compassionate work. That should be its sole purpose. It should not be used to build up ego, or to hold over someones head as a way of saying "you owe me".
That said, I will still attempt to live my life as a Bodhisattva; one who serves others with compassion, in order to help them attain peace. It is a difficult challenge, as I also fall into the trap of feeling under-appreciated in certain circumstances. Although...I have an infinite number of lifetimes to get it right. So here's to getting it right in this lifetime (or in the next one...)!
Namaste',
Michelle
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