The Power in Words

Often times we are content to rely on commonly used terms when describing certain actions or feelings in our lives. I have always thought that all words contain a type of power; a power to set certain things in motion.  These things could be emotional reactions, physical choices or deep pensive moments.  The nuances contained in word choices can make all the difference in how we travel through our lives.

One particular piece of advice that I find most troubling for many situations is the use of the word "accept". We are told that to move on from a not-so-nice, or toxic, situation we should "accept" the situation as it is, and determine how to react in the most positive way. The intention is to help a person push beyond the pain, or annoyance, of the situation and to be able continue on in a sort of amicable way.  I think that a more appropriate term to use in this case is "acknowledge".  By accepting something as it is, you give it power.  You are sending a message that the behavior is "acceptable"; that it is okay for someone to be treating you like they are.  Instead, if you acknowledge the behavior, you are not sending a message that you condone it, but rather that you recognize it for what it is.  Only then have you claimed the power over the situation and can determine what your reactions should be to it.  I realize this is a subtle difference, but a very powerful one that has helped me over the years to not get stymied by a bad relationship, or put myself in a situation of reacting in a way that was not in my best emotional interest.  This conscious choice of using "acknowledge" versus "accept" has given me the power to be in control of my feelings and actions.

The other benefit of making this choice is that minimal energy is wasted trying to fully understand, or change, another person.  It helps to maintain the focus on  your own actions.  It is, of course, very important to think of others when reacting to situations.  I am not suggesting that reactions should be determined without thought for others.  I am simply stating that to change a situation for the better, it is important to "acknowledge" and not necessarily "accept"; thereby changing the power dynamic of the situation.

I encourage you to take a look at how different words make you feel as you go about your day.  It may not be this particular word choice scenario that resonates with you.  It might be something like peace versus harmony, or angst versus stress.  Words are very powerful and a wonderful tool for reshaping your perspective at a given moment.  Try on some new words and enjoy!

Namaste',

Michelle H.

Take Time to Refresh

This is often the most ignored advice anyone ever receives; including myself.  Yet we all know it to be true that if we take some time to relax and recharge ourselves, then our ability to live fully is much easier.  How can it be possible to be alert enough to notice the little things and to accomplish the larger things when we are on the verge of illness, or fighting back sleepiness during the day.

I recently read an article about the value of personal retreats.  It made me wonder who the folks are that are able to "check out" of their lives for a year at a time, or even longer.  The authors described retreats that they had participated in, some lasting as long as six years!  After these retreats they said that they felt refreshed, open and ready for re-entry into their lives.

The more I thought about these retreats, the more I started thinking that the participants had not really "checked out" of their lives, but rather had simply taken some time to experience their lives.  This was done by focusing solely on the moments occurring during the simple days of their retreat.  Now, if you are like me, you cannot afford to stop everything that you have going on in your life in order to take this much needed time for yourself.  However, I am fairly certain that we all could find an hour or two in our busy lives for a moment of recharging.  Our personal retreat could be getting a massage, taking a drive, or simply sitting quietly on a park bench.

The word "retreat" implies that we are backing off from something.  I actually think that a better word to use is  "refresh".  Refresh describes a period of creation, renewal and viability.

What better way to truly be alive now, than to take time out to focus on the present.  Beauty abounds in every moment and stopping for a brief time will recharge your energy in order to return to the more hectic events of life.  If you can afford to take the time for a longer refreshment period, I would certainly advocate that as well.  A longer time spent focusing on the present moment will only deepen your connection to your life.  So sit back, breathe and think about the last time you actually stopped for refreshment.  Now plan for your next refreshment break.  It is good for your immune system, your relationships and your soul.

Be creative, enjoy and remember, no time is too short for renewal.

Namaste',

Michelle H.

Now presenting....

Do you ever sit back and think that "someday I will ...."?  "That if the signs just showed up I would...."?  If you are anything like me, then you certainly have.  Well, I am here to tell you that the signs are all around us, all of the time.  The issue is that we don't slow down enough to see them for what they are.  The universe (or whatever guiding light that you choose to follow) presents invitations and signs to us all the time.  Sometimes they might seem like burdens; such as the child with a concussion who has been home for 6 weeks from school already. Or sometimes they might seem like trivial breaks in a dreary day; such as getting a cupcake from the Cupcake Truck.  If we were truly receptive to the signs that were being presented to us, we would see the home bound child as an opportunity to spend time with a small loved one who will grow up too quickly and then be unavailable for long conversations with a parent.  We would see the man selling cupcakes for a living as a sign that you truly can have a job that you love and not have to toil somewhere just to make a dollar.

It is so important to be alert to these universal invitations, as they will light the path to a life that you have been waiting for.  Sometimes we spend so much time planning and scheming how we are going to get there, that we miss the road all together.  Have you ever driven somewhere new and missed your Exit completely because you were either heads down in the map, or waiting for the update from your GPS, only to find out that the Exit is under a bridge and the GPS doesn't work there?  All the while, there was probably a highway sign that showed you the Exit anyway?  Well, life is just like that.  Keep your eyes open.  Be receptive and open to the possibilities that there may be alternate ways to get where you think you want to go.

Enjoy the journey.  Watch for the signs, as they are invitations to life experiences that you will not want to miss.

Namaste',

Michelle

Simple Blessings Abound...

It has been quite some time since I have been on my blog.  Life has a funny way of jumping in the way every time I think I will have a chance to write.  I figured I would take a few minutes and reconnect with those who care to read the blog and look forward to more active participation this year.

Life has been so busy that I almost had forgotten about the simple blessings that I have.  The fact that I find time to have a cup of tea with my husband almost every morning on the front porch before the neighborhood awakens from its slumber is truly one of my favorite blessings.  It is during that time that I can think (or not) about the randomness of thoughts that run through my head at that hour.  Attempting to answer questions such as, Do all birds speak the same basic language, just in different dialects?  Why is it that just as I have reached my boiling point with my daughters that they start acting lovely again?  How do my perennial flowers know when to reappear in the Spring?  Where did I really come from?  Where does my brain store all these questions when I am not paying attention to them?

It really is amazing to me that this simple blessing, this simple act of having tea, can bring me so much happiness and energy each day.  For that I am grateful and hope that you all can count at least one simple blessing that exists for you each day.

Namaste',

Michelle

Snow Magnolias

I am sitting here thinking about the passing of the two days of vacation that I just took from my job and realizing that a lot of life can be packed into two days. As always, I had great plans for these two days...and of course, did not accomplish much of anything on the list. Yet it was the best short vacation I have ever taken. Why, you might ask? Well, after thinking about it, I realize that when I let life just "happen", it does just that. All the things that really needed to get done, got done, and I was able to play games with my children, redecorate rooms with them and even read a little bit of a book.

It is such a wonderful feeling to just exist. No planning, just being. On the first day of my mini-vacation we got a foot of beautiful snow. While almost everyone was grumbling about a mid-February storm, I was noticing the snow magnolias. Snow magnolias are those wonderful little snow balls that sit on the tips of the branches of the dormant magnolia trees; the elusive little snowballs that only show up during a certain kind of snowstorm. They arrive with the heavy sticky snow and then only stay around for a brief time, as the sun quickly turns these snowbuds into puddles in the snowbanks below. I just happened to be driving around town at the precise time that the snow magnolias were in full bloom. They were beautiful! There is no way one can be lost in worry, or in their personal task lists, when these snow magnolias appear. Once you catch a glimpse of them, you just slow down. Even if only for a minute.

Of course the only way to see a snow magnolia is to be aware; really aware of what is happening around you. Imagine all the things in life you would notice if you were ever-present. Not all the things you notice might interest you, but you will experience them nonetheless. These micro-experiences are what help us engage with others we encounter. They provide fodder for conversation just when you think there is nothing to connect us. They also help us to put our larger issues into perspective, reminding us that life really is beautiful and that sometimes we are just clouded over with doubt and unable to see.

My wish for the world is that everyone gets the opportunity to see their own snow magnolias. Enjoy and just be.

Namaste',

Michelle

Appreciation, or not.

Today I had the pleasure of telling my 6 year old daughter to stop picking up the cat at least seven times. The final time, while watching the cat puff up, growl and hiss at her, I suggested very firmly that she needed to put the cat down NOW. After letting the cat leap from her arms, my daughter turned to me, hands on hips and said, "That cat just doesn't appreciate me!"

It was such an honest statement that I had to laugh, as I never considered that the child was trying to do something nice for the cat (maybe putting her on a comfy pillow for a nap...), but rather thought that she was just pestering her. It made me realize that we all really want to be appreciated for the things we do, for the people we are. We want to know that our efforts are not fruitless.

This need for appreciation makes me wonder if it truly is possible to be selfless. There are a multitude of teachings about the need for selfless compassion in the world. This is one of those things that is often times easier to read about than to enact. I believe that we are all capable of being compassionate, if we choose to be. I also believe that as we continue to live as compassionately as possible, at some point the idea that we are not appreciated enough creeps into our thinking. It makes some people bitter, makes them hold grudges and worse yet, makes them lose the desire to do anything nice for someone else without an unspoken expectation of getting something in return. This does nothing more than turn the perpetual wheel of disappointment.

Now I am not suggesting that you never get anything in return for doing something kind for someone/something else. You certainly get the self-satisfaction of knowing that you have made a difference in the world; even in a very small way sometimes. I think that self-satisfaction serves the purpose of re-energizing you to do more compassionate work. That should be its sole purpose. It should not be used to build up ego, or to hold over someones head as a way of saying "you owe me".

That said, I will still attempt to live my life as a Bodhisattva; one who serves others with compassion, in order to help them attain peace. It is a difficult challenge, as I also fall into the trap of feeling under-appreciated in certain circumstances. Although...I have an infinite number of lifetimes to get it right. So here's to getting it right in this lifetime (or in the next one...)!

Namaste',

Michelle

Inner Voices...Do you hear them?

Well after many, many months I am back to my blog. I cannot believe how quickly three months flies by. (Even when I am stopping to breathe and live in the moment...) So many events have come and gone in these past months that I look back on them now as a blur. Some of the events were scary and not good at all. Some were extremely pleasant. I have watched as my children have grown more, my parents started aging more visibly and my own self continued to mature in ways I never imagined.

Self maturation happens whether you are looking or not. Self realization occurs when you stop, in the moment, and listen to your inner voice. No, I do not mean the little voice that tells you to buy the pair of shoes that you cannot afford, or the voice that tells you to ignore a call from the bill collector, but rather the inner voice that helps to guide you in your most personal of decisions. Only then can you really see how much you have matured and grown as an individual. The inner voice will clue you in to all the "learnings" that you have picked up and processed; just by living your life. Most of the time you don't even realize that you have learned these lessons until you allow your inner voice to be heard.

I am not suggesting that we always heed the lessons we have learned. We are, after all, still human and will make poor decisions along the way. My belief is that we are programmed to be presented with some lessons over and over again until we get them. This does not mean that we are "slow learners", but rather that we need the time to deeply process and allow these new behaviors and attitudes to become a true part of who we are.

Every time you stop and listen to your inner voice, you grow. You trust more. Your inner core is strong and is just waiting for you to engage it. So please stop and listen; and most of all, live. Live like your life depends on it. (No....I did not make that line up....I read it somewhere, but it just popped into my head...). I know too many people who don't actually live their lives; they tolerate their lives. This type of activity does nothing to enrich their own lives, or the lives of those around them. Everyone deserves to live a life of minimal worries, of strong security and of happiness. I know that is not always possible, but I do know that if people stepped away from their worries for a minute, there is beauty and grace staring right at them. They just need to recognize them. There is always hope. Even if it is only a sliver or glimmer of it. With all the news of tragedy in the world today, we are all just a heartbeat away from sorrow. Most of us feel this sorrow for people on the news that we have never even met. Let us not forget that these people were just living their lives. Just like us. And...coming out of their struggles, the world sees hope. I encourage you to see that hope in your own lives. No matter what obstacles you are trying to overcome.

My own experience is that if you open up and trust your core, the sometimes whispering inner voice, then your life will be richer for it. You will find friends in the most unusual of people; those that you might have overlooked before. You will find calmness and peace in times of challenge. Above all you will send out love to all around you, just by living your life with this level of integrity. I encourage you to try it and you will not be disappointed.

Namaste',

Michelle